mcbane @ 2009-12-15T23:34:00

2009-12-16T04:41:25Z

What do I say first? Do I apologize for vanishing for the tenth time in under a year? I can if you think it'll make anyone feel better. Sure, I'm sorry I did it again. I'm sorry I made false promises and left when I probably said I wouldn't. I can't predict the future, I can't sit around and say that I won't do this or I won't do that. I've done that way too many times in the past few years and let's just face the facts...I always break those promises. I don't set out to do it, but it just seems to constantly happen. I can promise it won't again but...again, why? I'm a Mcbane. Is that a good enough excuse? Probably not to those who don't know me or what my name means, but to those that do know me, then it should be enough. The only two that really know me should have expected it, after all. The only Mcbane who didn't break their promises was my mother...oh wait, she broke a promise too when she said she'd always be around and then she died on me. I guess that pretty much leaves broken promises a way to my life. Or it used to be a way of my life. It's not anymore. I made a lot of changes this time. I said that before, but the difference is this time I mean it. I didn't go back to my life of crime, stealing cars and dragging innocent bystanders along for a joy ride. But I did do some..what do they call it? Someone told me it was "soul searching" but that sounded kind of stupid to me, so I'll call it gut checking.

A few months ago, I was intending on returning to Westerlo because I was basically kicked off the basketball team at Duke. Big surprise there. I'm not going to explain what happened, I've done enough thinking and dealing with all of that to last me enough time. I figured since I didn't have ball anymore, I'd come back here and try to revive my old friendships and get back into the way of life I once had. That didn't end up working out for me, though. So I was thinking about sticking around in North Carolina and checking out some community colleges, but then one night I got a phone call. A old business associate of my fathers called me to tell me that he had a decent chunk of money that he owed to my father, but since my father is currently locked up in jail or at least..last I heard he was (I haven't spoken to him in a while.), he didn't want him to have the money at any point. When he heard about the old man and his dirty dealings, he said he would sleep easier knowing he gave it to someone who would use it for something a lot less..sketchy was the word he decided to use. I thought it was pretty fucking funny that he was going to give me this money, but I didn't say no. So I took the check that he wrote to my name and I cashed it. Every cent. Right into my pocket. Then I took off. Said goodbye to community college for a little while and peace out to basketball, bought a car (legit, too. No stealing this time.) and hit the road. I decided It was time for Vince to do some soul searching.

I took a trip. I had this stupid plan stuck in my head where I would hit every state before going back to school, if I decided I even wanted to go back to school. I did pretty good. I got through a few of them but well..here is where things changed. I went to New Orleans. I've never been there before but I always wanted to go, and I sort of fell in love with the place. I mean the whole state itself is amazing, but just the people there are...well not like any New Yorkers, that's for sure. They're all so cool, chill and just nice. I met with this group of kids around my age. They were crashing in some old fire house that they turned into a big apartment. Every room was separated by sheets hanging from the ceiling. That's how they could tell where their...corner was, by the sheets. They weren't poor or anything, they had money. They had a fridge and a oven, they paid bills. I guess one of their parents bought it when it closed and they just turned it into their place to live. There was about fifteen of them. A lot of people but they had all the freedom in the world. They weren't your typical college age kids who partied all the time and did nothing but sleep, drink and have sex. They all had jobs. They had families, a few TVs, cable, the internet...it was really like a house but just few material things. They spent most of their money on food and the bills, that was just it. But they were happy. They had money, they didn't have much else and they were happy.

I was only planning on staying a few nights but ended up staying three months. I got a job, working at a grocery store. It wasn't much but it's cheaper down there then it is here anyway. It's not like I didn't have plenty of my own money, anyway. But after three months they all kind of talked me into going back to school. I don't know what exactly they said, but they just kept drilling it into my head that that wasn't the life they had chosen to live, it was just what was handed to them. But if they had my money and the chance to go to college, they would. They said when I graduate if I still feel as lost as I do, I can just go back and join in on their lives. So, that is what brought me back here. I didn't want to go back to the school that rejected me with basketball, I came back here. At least here I know my way around and New York has always and will always be my home, anyway. This is where I belong, I know that now.

I learned a lot on my road trip adventure. A lot about myself and shit, too. One thing that I did actually learn that I'm just going to have to inform everyone of right now. I'm done being a douchebag, well..intentionally anyway. I can't really stop my own personality. But I'm done hating on people for shit that happened in the past. I'm done being an asshole for no reason other then it is what comes natural to me. i'd rather not be known as my fathers son for the rest of my life. I'm sorry, B. Myers, looks like you'll have to find someone else to call you names because I have no intention of being that asshole anymore, not even to you. I also decided that since Basketball is out, I'm going to try out that whole..architect thing. I had a lot of fun with it before and I think it could be kind of cool, if it pans out. if not...oh well. Alright, enough of this I'm a new guy, crap. I'm going to bed.

westerlo, abbottmods

2008-09-16T15:40:02Z

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Vincent

mcbane @ 2009-12-15T23:34:00

westerlo, abbottmods